Recognizing Relapse in a Loved One

By Reviving You Recovery — Menifee, California, in the heart of the Temecula Valley

Recognizing relapse in a loved one is one of the most emotionally complex and heart-wrenching challenges families face. When someone you love has worked hard to break free from drugs or alcohol, seeing signs that they may be slipping backward can stir fear, confusion, anger, sadness, and helplessness all at once. And yet, relapse—while painful—is a common and treatable part of the recovery process. It is not a moral failing, not a sign that someone can’t recover, and not a reason to give up hope. It is a sign that more support is needed.

At Reviving You Recovery, located in Menifee, California in the warm, healing environment of the Temecula Valley, we guide families through these moments with compassion and clarity. Understanding the early signs of relapse, knowing what to do next, and responding with love (instead of panic) can make all the difference in helping your loved one return to recovery with dignity and safety.

This article will help you understand what relapse looks like, why it happens, the subtle cues you may notice before substance use begins again, and how to intervene in a way that protects your loved one’s well-being while preserving your own.

What Is Relapse?

Relapse often gets misunderstood. Many people think relapse only happens the moment someone uses drugs or alcohol again. But clinically, relapse is a process that unfolds in stages:

1. Emotional Relapse

Someone isn’t thinking about using, but their behaviors and emotions are putting them at risk. They may be overwhelmed, isolating, irritable, or neglecting their self-care.

2. Mental Relapse

This stage involves internal conflict—part of the person wants to stay sober, but another part is fantasizing about using, downplaying past consequences, or craving the relief substances once provided.

3. Physical Relapse

This is the stage most people recognize: drinking or using drugs again.

Knowing these phases can help families intervene before physical relapse takes place. Most people don’t simply “fall back into using”—there are often signs, sometimes subtle, sometimes loud.

Why Do People Relapse?

Recovery is not linear. Even when someone is deeply committed, relapse can occur for reasons such as:

• Stress or emotional overload
• Unresolved trauma
• Loss of structure or routine
• Being around old friends or environments linked to addiction
• Relationship conflict
• Chronic pain or untreated mental health issues
• Complacency—believing they are “cured”
• Loneliness or boredom
• Seasonal depression or life transitions

In the Temecula Valley and surrounding communities like Menifee and Murrieta, we see many people relapse during periods of major change—moving, job shifts, breakups, grief, or feeling overwhelmed by family responsibilities.

Relapse does not mean the person is broken. It means something in their recovery plan needs strengthening.

Early Signs of Relapse: What Loved Ones Should Look For

Every person is different, but there are common behavioral, emotional, and social indicators that can signal a loved one is slipping into relapse mode.

Below is a breakdown of the categories and the signs to watch for.

1. Emotional and Behavioral Changes

These usually appear before a return to substance use.

• Irritability, mood swings, or increased anger: Someone who normally manages stress well may become reactive, sensitive, or unpredictable.
• Isolation from family or friends: They may withdraw from social interactions, become distant, or shut down emotionally.
• Sleep problems: Insomnia, oversleeping, or erratic sleeping patterns can be warning signs.
• Neglecting responsibilities: This may include missing work, falling behind on bills, or letting household tasks pile up.
• Lack of self-care: Changes in hygiene, appearance, or daily routines can signal emotional dysregulation.
• A sudden increase in secrecy: Locked doors, hidden phone activity, vague explanations, or avoiding eye contact may indicate something is wrong.
• Restlessness or difficulty focusing: The mind may be preoccupied with cravings or the stressors that trigger them.

2. Changes in Thinking or Attitude

These cognitive shifts may signal mental relapse.

• Romanticizing their past use
  “They weren’t that bad…”
  “I had more fun back then…”
  “I’m not like other addicts…”
• Downplaying consequences: Convincing themselves and others that they can handle it “just once.”
• Justifying risky behavior: Such as hanging out with old drinking buddies or going to triggering places.
• Denial of stress or emotional issues. You may hear:
  “I’m fine.”
  “You’re overreacting.”
  “I don’t need meetings.”
  “I’m too busy for therapy.”
• Loss of interest in recovery: Missing meetings, skipping therapy sessions, or not taking medications as prescribed.

These aren’t minor changes—they’re often major clues that relapse is creeping in.

3. Social and Environmental Signs

• Reconnecting with people associated with past substance use: You may notice new numbers text messaging them or old friends coming back into the picture.
• Avoiding supportive relationships: Individuals avoiding sober friends, mentors, or supportive family members may do so intentionally to hide their internal struggle.
• Changes in daily routine: Recovery thrives on structure. When that structure breaks down, vulnerability increases.
• Financial irregularities: Missing money, unexplained withdrawals, borrowing money, or new financial secrecy can be red flags.

4. Physical Signs (If Substance Use Has Begun)

These appear in the physical relapse stage:

• Slurred speech
• Unsteady movements
• Pinpoint or dilated pupils
• Smelling of alcohol or chemicals
• Sudden weight changes
• Track marks (depending on the substance)
• Frequent illnesses
• Decline in energy

Once physical signs appear, the situation becomes urgent. The earlier you recognize emotional or behavioral signs, the better chance your loved one has of avoiding a return to full-blown addiction.